Maladaptive Daydreaming

Daydreaming is my biggest obstacle: I constantly create scenarios in my mind, with myself as the hero or main character, seeking for validation.

The Pattern

I've caught myself lost in obsessive, repetitive daydreams several times, but one recent incident really got me to stop and question what was happening.

Several weeks ago, there were these people who worked nearby where I stay who used to gossip and spread all kinds of false rumours about me.

This may sound a little weird, but I used to spend a lot of time just imagining them realizing the truth that I’m not who they think I am, that they’re wrong about me, and that I’m actually a "good guy".

It was a strange, exhausting loop that was very hard for me to escape, and it left me more drained and isolated each time it happened.

So I started to wonder why my mind kept repeating these loops, and decided to look into it more.

Findings

It turned out that what I have been experiencing for years now is called maladaptive daydreaming.

Maladaptive daydreaming, also called excessive daydreaming, is when an individual experiences excessive daydreaming that interferes with daily life.

• Wikipedia

Experts don’t know exactly why it happens, but they suspect it’s a coping mechanism for conditions such as anxiety, ADHD, OCD, depression, etc.

You were hurt, disrespected, or misjudged, and your mind keeps replaying the scene, this time with you winning. It’s just your mind’s way of trying to make you feel better.

These daydreams feel emotionally real and rewarding, so your brain starts craving them all the time. Daydreaming can make you feel like you’re working through the pain you experienced, but really, it just keeps you emotionally invested in what others think.

It’s like you’re teaching your brain to find comfort in daydreams instead of actually living your life.

Solutions

With this understanding, I began searching online and experimenting with practical ways to break free from this obsessive, endless daydreaming.

Here are some approaches I found that have helped me:

• First, I identify and name the experience: When I catch myself daydreaming, I say to myself, “I’m about to make a movie in my head again.”
  This simple phrase does a lot more than just describe what’s happening; it snaps me out of autopilot.

  By naming what my mind is doing, I move from just reacting emotionally to actually noticing and understanding what’s happening.

  I stop playing a role in the daydream and simply just watch what’s happening, and notice it without getting caught up in it.

  That small moment of awareness is very powerful. It gives me the chance to recognize what my mind is doing and choose how to respond, instead of being carried away by it.

• Next time the daydream starts, watch it like a movie: You’re not in it, you’re the director. This small perspective shift takes away the strong feelings and stops your brain from getting the usual mental reward or dopamine hits it gets from replaying daydreams.

• Ask yourself:

“What if I never get to prove them wrong? Can I still be at peace?”

When you ask this, you take away the pressure to win or be understood.

Letting go of the need to prove yourself gives your mind nothing left to fight about, and it finally rests.

Practical Tools

Here are some practical strategies that have made a real difference for me.

Rapping or Singing

Rapping or singing my favorite songs when the daydreams start helps shift my focus from what is happening in my mind to something external and real-life, which often frees up my mind for a while.

Thought Labeling

If I notice my brain replaying scenes, trying to fix or prove something, that’s often just my brain’s way of trying to seek validation or relief.

When something like that happens, my mind usually reacts automatically:

Thoughts:

• “They think I’m stupid.”
• “I'm not doing it right. They’re laughing at me.”
• “My voice is shaking. They think I’m a loser.”

These thoughts trigger reactions such as:

• Pain
• Anger
• Mentally replaying the moment
• Defending myself in my head

But instead of getting swept up in these thoughts, I try to label what’s happening. This simple step completely breaks the pattern.

Some labels I use are:

• “That’s me defending myself in my head again.”
• “The internal movie is trying to start.”
• “That’s an urge to defend myself in my head.”

By labeling the thought, I interrupt the emotional chain. I go from being stuck inside the thought to simply noticing it from the outside.

Closing Thoughts

Maladaptive daydreaming often convinces me I’m making progress or healing, but really, it’s just my mind’s way of avoiding real growth.

But as I get better at noticing these patterns and labeling my thoughts, I’m learning to bring my focus back to the present. Bit by bit, I’m starting to put my mental energy into real-life projects and experiences, instead of getting lost in daydreams.